Tools for Talking when Stakes are High
Developing disruptive innovation can be quite challenging, but over the past few months, I have been preparing to take on this challenge. My innovation plan suggests transitioning my elementary school from traditional notebooks to ePortfolios. These notebooks have been utilized since our school adopted the LIM model several years ago. Now, it is my responsibility to encourage and persuade the educators at my school to embrace this new approach.
This transition to ePortfolios represents a significant shift in our educational practices, aiming to leverage technology to enhance student learning and engagement. To successfully implement this change, I plan to focus on a few strategies.
But first I must become a self-differentiated leader and have some Crucial conversations with my administrators.
To become a self-differentiated leader at my elementary campus, I need to focus on several key factors that will allow me to maintain emotional clarity, personal integrity, and resilience in the face of challenges.
Effective leadership in times of change involves managing one's own anxiety, as leaders' emotional stability sets the tone for the team. A self-differentiated leader, who remains grounded in their values and emotional clarity, acts as the emotional immune system of the organization, preventing emotional turbulence from derailing progress.
Emotional triangles, where conflicts involve third parties, can disrupt focus and communication, complicating change efforts. Sabotage often stems from fear or insecurity about the change, signaling deeper concerns that need to be addressed.
Crucial conversations, where emotions are high and opinions differ, are key to moving a change strategy forward. These conversations—such as addressing resistance, clarifying roles, and gaining buy-in—need to be managed carefully to avoid conflict and ensure clarity. A strategy for these conversations helps maintain focus on solutions.
Using the Crucial Conversations process (e.g., "Start with the Heart," "Make it Safe," "STATE My Path") provides structure for managing difficult conversations, leading to action and alignment. This process is crucial for navigating resistance and keeping the change initiative on track.
In my change strategy, both differentiated leadership and crucial conversations are vital, but I would prioritize differentiated leadership first. A grounded leader provides emotional stability, making it easier to handle tough conversations. Once emotional clarity is established, I would use crucial conversations to engage others and drive change forward. Both elements are interconnected and essential, but leadership clarity provides the foundation for effective communication and decision-making.
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“A key theme for Friedman is the idea that leaders need to be self-differentiated. That means, in short, that leaders can’t be overly identified with the groups they lead or else they won’t have the needed perspective to make hard decisions. The opposite of being self-differentiated is a leader who tries to make everyone happy and has a hard time making unpopular decisions.”, (Rains, 2019).
Effective communication is a cornerstone of success, particularly in high-stakes situations where emotions are strong, and opinions differ. Working in and with education is oftentimes a high-stakes situation. There are many strong emotions, opposing opinions, and high stakes. Treading through these waters can be made manageable through the key skills of learning and knowing how to communicate. In these crucial conversations, the outcomes can have lasting effects on personal relationships, professional success, and organizational dynamics. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler (2012) provides a comprehensive guide on how to handle such conversations effectively.
As I contemplate on my Innovation Proposal and how I plan to approach my administration on this disruptive innovation, I reflect on the key factors identified by Freidman that I will need in order to have these crucial conversations and become a differentiated leader. These key factors include emotional regulation, boundary setting, and self-reflection.
As a self-differentiated leader I must be able to maintain composure in high-pressure situations, avoid reactive responses and instead choose to respond thoughtfully. Emotional intelligence plays a critical role in understanding both my emotions and the emotions of others in my organization.
Boundary Setting
Setting and respecting personal and professional boundaries is key when it comes to becoming a self-differentiated leader. To become the leader I need to be for change within my school, I must avoid over-identifying with the roles or opinions of others, and maintain clarity about my own responsibilities and limits. Strong boundaries will help in saying no when necessary, protecting my time and energy, and preventing burnout.
Self-Reflection
Continuously growing and learning through self-reflection is essential. This involves identifying areas of improvement and actively seeking feedback from others to grow as a leader.
Engaging in continuous learning will help refine my decision-making and leadership practices.
Patterson et al., (2012) define crucial conversations as those moments when the stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions are strong. These conversations can occur in various contexts—at work, in relationships, or even within families—where the outcome could significantly affect the future.
According to the authors, “Crucial conversations happen to everyone. They’re the daily conversations that reshape your life”, (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, & Switzler, 2012, p. 1). During these conversations, it is easy for individuals to react impulsively or defensively, leading to breakdowns in communication and poor decision-making. My goal is that I will have the tools and techniques necessary to manage these conversations with composure and purpose.
Using Crucial Conversations as an Aspect of Self-Differentiated Leadership
The concept of crucial conversations (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, & Switzler, 2012) directly ties into the idea of self-differentiation, as it involves managing high-stakes interactions with emotional intelligence, clarity, and purpose. As a self-differentiated leader, I need to navigate these conversations with a clear sense of purpose and a calm demeanor, regardless of the emotional intensity.
The Crucial Conversations methodology provides a structured approach for handling these challenging discussions, which is essential when trying to influence and engage others in a new initiative like ePortfolios. Patterson et al. (2012) argue that “When we’re in a crucial conversation, we often have a tendency to either fight or flee. The key is to remain in dialogue” (p. 9). This is an essential principle when trying to lead the adoption of ePortfolios in an environment that may be resistant to change.
How Crucial Conversations Will Help Me Lead the ePortfolio Implementation
In the context of implementing ePortfolios in my elementary school, I expect to face resistance, misunderstanding, or anxiety from staff, students, and parents. To manage these challenges effectively and ensure the success of the initiative, I will apply the principles of Crucial Conversations to navigate difficult discussions and guide the team through this transition.
1. Get Unstuck
The first step in any crucial conversation is recognizing when we're stuck in resistance or negativity. For example, if teachers feel overwhelmed by adopting new technology, I can identify this early and steer the conversation toward solutions. As Patterson et al. (2012) note, "Recognizing you're stuck is the first step in getting back on track" (p. 35). Staying calm and focused helps me guide the team past obstacles and keep the conversation productive.
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2. Start with the Heart
Starting with the heart means focusing on shared values and goals. For ePortfolios, I need to emphasize their benefits, such as improving student ownership and progress tracking, while aligning with our school’s educational vision. By starting from mutual understanding, I can foster buy-in and minimize resistance. Patterson et al. (2012) stress, “To achieve results, start with the heart—what do you really want from the conversation?” (p. 75).
3. Make it Safe
For the ePortfolio initiative to succeed, I must create a safe space for stakeholders to voice concerns and feedback. This involves respecting opinions and ensuring people can speak without fear of judgment. As Patterson et al. (2012) advise, “Safety is the foundation of healthy dialogue” (p. 52), encouraging open discussions and boosting collaboration.
4. Master My Stories
Patterson et al. (2012) explain that people often react not to facts, but to the stories they tell themselves about those facts (p. 130). By separating assumptions from facts, I can approach difficult conversations objectively and avoid emotional reactions based on incorrect interpretations.
5. STATE My Path
The STATE method helps me present my ideas clearly and confidently. In the case of ePortfolios, I’ll share why the initiative is important, how it aligns with student learning, and invite feedback. By presenting my views openly, I create space for collaboration. Patterson et al. (2012) note, “By sharing your facts and story, you open up space for others’ opinions” (p. 113).
6. Explore Other Paths
As a self-differentiated leader, I must remain open to other perspectives and be willing to adjust based on feedback. Listening actively to teachers, students, and parents ensures the ePortfolio implementation is inclusive and adaptable. Patterson et al. (2012) remind us, “You must be open to others’ truths to reach a shared understanding” (p. 119).
7. Move to Action
Crucial conversations are only effective when clear action steps are agreed upon. Once all parties feel heard, I will ensure specific roles and timelines are set to move the project forward.
Patterson et al. (2012) emphasize, “The goal of a crucial conversation is not only to resolve an issue, but to reach an agreement and take action” (p. 154). Clear commitments ensure that the conversation results in tangible outcomes.
Becoming a self-differentiated leader involves developing emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and resilience, while ensuring that you lead with authenticity and integrity. Crucial Conversations methodology enhances this process by equipping me with the tools to handle high-stakes conversations effectively, navigate difficult dynamics with clarity, and create a culture of open communication and mutual respect. By mastering these conversations, I not only differentiate myself as a strong, self-aware leader but also build a healthier, more productive environment for those I will one day lead.
References
Kaufaman, A. (2013, August 24). Friedman’s theory of differentiated leadership made simple. [Video]. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9H-i9lHr28.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high. McGraw-Hill Contemporary.
Rains, K. (2019, February 14). Toxicity and the self-differentiated leader. Key leadership lessons rediscovered in a time of transition.